Constant proving myself

As a president of AIESEC in Estonia I have to prove myself, my abilities, my skills, my intelligence. Constantly. Every day.

Having around 70 members behind me, all of whom expect me to have answers to whatever questions they have; having very smart people in my MC-NST team who are constantly challenging me as a team leader with their feedback, with their questions, with their comments, with their attitude; having external people for whom I am the face of the organisation and who may be sceptical about AIESEC at first…

It all puts quite a high pressure on a person. You just cannot afford yourself being weak, not knowing answers, being late, not fulfilling your promises.

At the same time, as a trainer in European Youth (euroopa.noored.ee) I have to prove myself as a person who is able to create learning room for whatever people I have in front of me – from 16 to 26 years old, from hyperactive to the ones who do not say anything, from positive optimists to big sceptics. All of these people are expecting professional training to be delivered. It is not AIESEC, where you can always say that you are still learning…

But I am used to prove myself. In fact, I have had to do it for a long time already.

Let’s take the high-school time. I had rather late physical development and started to grow just when I turned 16-17. So, I was the smallest and the skinniest boy in the class who had troubles with his health and was the weakest in the sports. I hated myself for it.

I went for athletics training. I did sports four times a week for three years. Once I became the first one who crossed the finish line in 1500 meter run in my class. It was THE achievement for me.

As I was small and skinny, the girls didn’t take me too seriously. I was just a funny nice guy for them. I was suffering because of that as any teenager in this age.

I went for classical dances trainings. I danced for 1 year and finally I could dance better than other boys in our high school.

I was a good pupil who got good marks. I had an image of good boy. I hated it. I started to be some kind of hooligan. When I was 16-17, I tried everything possible which is not for mentioning in this blog. Some guys from my former gang are in the prison for a long time at the moment…

But let’s look further – university time. As a guy whose home language is mainly Russian and who graduated Russian-speaking high-school, it was not that easy to study in university in Estonian and to be accepted in community, where general opinion about Russians is not always too positive.

I had to prove myself again. I studied Estonian grammar in addition in the evenings to be able to express myself better. Later on I worked in Estonian newspaper and news agency.

When I was 18, I could not speak English, as I didn’t study it in the high-school. But majority of the materials in my faculty were in English. I took additional courses and studied it in English.

I am able to keep my blog in English now :)

There are many more examples like that. I am sure everyone has had such moments.

But what unites all these moments for me is that I could prove that I CAN do it to the others and to myself.

I hope that I will be able to prove myself as MCP this time as well.



It is not easy though – constant trying, failing, succeeding, trying again…

But one thing is sure – applying for and getting position of AIESEC Estonia President’s has been one of the (THE?) most right choices in my life so far…

It’s good to be an MCP!!!

/Deniss/

The way we do things we do...

Hello,

Few days ago, sitting in the office, I was trying to pull myself together to get things done and go home. But there was no progress, I was just thinking about the vacation which is a month away and how tired I am of all of this...

Then I had to recognize the good old truth again - we do things we like with much bigger enthusiasm and passion and better than things we dislike. Then I remembered a chat with Deniss some time ago - we both agreed that people should do things they do because they like it not because they must. In some point I decided that I want to live this way and do only things I like and even if I totally dislike some task that I must do I try to find some part that I dislike less :o) I have a theory that this way the result is better and I enjoy everything I do more (isn’t it obvious?). People who know me know also that I’m not a ball of joy bumping around everywhere :op and I have low-periods as everyone does. But according to my theory you just must suggest to yourself that you want to do things you do and motivate and predicate your actions yourself enough (you may call it also spontaneous brainwash :op) to start enjoying things again – and the theory works!

I’m writing to you it on Monday antemeridian period. At the moment I love my job, (again? :o)) things I do in Aiesec and I’m ready to kick off the week.

Hopefully I just wrote it down and you all already knew it but some things just are time after time worth to remind…

Learn to enjoy!

Regards,
Elina

Welcome the new era...

Heia,

It seems that i am the first hounored MC member who has the change to contribute in this blog - cool:)
First of all, some facts about myself, because i bet that every member of @ Estonia is not familiar to me or my doings.
Name: Siim (you can call me Kallis or Darling:) )
Age: 67 - 47 =
Feet nr: 43
Height: 1m 89 cm
Position in @: VP External Relations
Best position: from behind or on the pizza
Hobbies: occasionally reading, sports, world poilitcs, self discovery(not only in a nasty way)
Best feature: my current apartment

That much for me personally:)

I have a really though month behind me, most of the team also. I have been sitting in the chair, where the former ER sat, for 23 working days. I looked down and "yes" it is already shaped as my butt.
Besides that i have experienced already very much. I could not actually believe that it is possible like that. I know that in the eyes of the reader it might be the same words on and on, like lots of things in @. Because of the AIESEC Experience itself we hear the excat same words coming out, when the WOW effect hits us.
All in all, to give a more clearer picture of what i mean under "EXPERIENCED already much", let me describe a moment.

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It is evening. The sun is already pretty low, i can feel that it is getting hotter by minute, because the curtains don`t hold sun back anymore...
I feel a bit annoyed, it is uncomfortably sweaty. I have been here for a week now and it is Friday - thank god i can get out and wash myself soon.
I feel that i have done a lot, but still the question pops in my head "What did you achieve this week?". I am starting to reflect, while the room gets warmer and it is starting to reduce my concentration capability. Few higlights come in mind and i analyze the sense in them....
I feel that breathing air becomes harder by second - again the warmth.

The concentartion falls like a sweat drop from my forehead, i can`t bare it. While i am reflecting, i get a bit nervous. So many questions pop out about the tasks i have to do. I can not seem to find even a single answer - another drop falls from the tip of the nose...and another...
I find myself pouring a tear, my first confusion/AIESEC tear i believe...
I feel desperate, again a tear and no answers. I can not even remember the question anymore - confusion.
As i feel that i am not capable of deciding anything, i look at the time: 18.49. What the hell are you doing here Siim? Only one answer appears: go home:)
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I am mostly not a very sensitive person, except if women are invloved. But this moment swept the feet under me for at least for the rest of the evening.

In the end, i really hope that my feet are beeing swept for a year at least:)

In the morning i found myself stronger than ever, no worries, no confusion - only ambitions.



/Siim/